How I'm a Stay at Home Mom

If you read our formal introduction you know that I am legally disabled and yet I'm also a single stay at home mom. Even I think that sounds like an oxymoron, trust me.

I've always wanted to be a mom. I have a lot of interests but my passion has always been children. I didn't want to grow up to be an astronaut or a princess. I wanted to be a mom, I wanted to raise children, to be the main source of love in another persons life. Sounds a little co-dependent, and it probably is, but that was my dream.

What I never intended on was being a single mom. I strongly believe in the family unit. But more importantly I believe in a healthy loving environment for my children. And that is my number one priority, it will not be sacrificed. So suffice it to say, if your not already reading between the lines, that there are certain relationships are healthier when they are not romantic, and there are certain people who quite simply don't know what they're missing out on. But I digress.

When I had Kelly I was renting a small trailer. Being on disability means I have a very small and very limited income, and child support doesn't exactly have me rolling in the dough. For the time being that was enough space for myself and an inactive small child. But K was learning how to walk, and I was pregnant with Sadie, so something had to change.

I knew I was going to be a single mom to two and I had a choice to make, I could go out and try to find some work that would cancel out my disability and cost it's entire worth to keep the girls in day care, or I could let my inner hippie out.

Today our household does a lot of green things not only because they're more cost effective, but because they're better for the environment. Like cut out paper goods, we use rags instead of paper towels, and actual plates and silverware! We buy secondhand. We make our own cleaning products. Hell, Kelly still even showers with me sometimes. Granted there is a lot more I want to do, but just doesn't make sense for our living situation at the moment (like cloth diapering).

My point is I hear a lot of women talk about not being able to afford to stay at home, but still get their nails done, tote a iPhone and DVR their fav HBO shows. A part of me thinks that this level of involvement in their children's lives isn't really as much of a priority for some women. But a bigger part thinks that maybe no ones pointed out how much you can save by cutting out luxuries.

Several SAHMs I've talked to tell me how being a stay at home parent is like a job for them. They take care of the children not just meeting their physical needs but their educational ones too (my favorite aspect of being a SAHM), they keep the house clean (my least favorite), they manage the household needs. [Quick PSA: There is a difference between managing and addressing needs. Managing is knowing when and where the best sale on the 24 pack of TP that will last you 3.5 months is. Addressing is buying the TP.] And they keep their families happy not in spite of, but because they go with out things like TV or fancy phones, they make things like growing their own food fun and educational not a financial necessity.

My personal experience turned tangent point is, there is a sense of pride in providing for your family even if it isn't in a financial sense. I felt shame for a while to admit that I don't work, despite not being able to! That is ludicrous. I'm blessed to have the opportunity to stay home and teach my children, connect with them, and manage our household in a fashion that allows us to live like hippie kings rather then hipster paupers.

Tell me, what's one thing your household does that makes it possible to better connect and still be financially fit?

Wordless Wednesday

2'fer Tuesday

2'fer Tuesday Survey


1. Ages? 
Kelly: 19 Months, 2 Weeks
Sadie: 1 Month, 1 Week

2. What's went on this last week?
  We had 3 play dates for the girls. A McDonald's rendevous where Kelly (and then Mama) discovered they could get into the play deathtrap jungle gym thing. Then there was a farmers market/bouncy house/petting zoo afternoon, which Kelly adored and Sadie slept through. And finally there was a medieval reenactment at our library, that Kelly's grandpa was participating in. When he was "slain" on the battle field Kelly was distraught, and tried to run on to the field yelling "GAMPA JOE!!" It was ridiculously cute, and dangerous, just her style.
  On the development front Kelly has learned how to open doors, while Sadie is giving out real smiles now. Between the two of them I have a very happy, frazzled heart.
  We did have a quick ER visit this week, Sadie was inconsolable for two hours straight. Diagnosis: Gas. Lord have mercy!

 3. What are the challenges we dealt with (or continue to deal with)?
  Another double doctors appointment! Although this one was not so well planned. The girls were unknowingly (on my part) exposed to chicken pox. So there was a mad dash to the doctor to make sure neither of my sweet babies were at risk. Kelly's been vaccinated, and Sadie should still have my immunity. Cross your fingers folks, because if my sweet girls get sick because of another person's irresponsibility... Well, unless my cell has internet access this blog may take a dive for the next 25 to life.
  We did discover Sweet Sadie has a milk intolerance though. I've suspected it from the get go, and when the Zantac stopped working last Wednesday (puking up full bottles) I switched her to soy with out even bothering with a doctor's visit. Since then spit up has decreased, she's pooping again, fussing less, her bleeding diaper rash has cleared, the wheezing has stopped... When I mentioned all this to the doctor at our surprise visit yesterday she agreed, certainly sounds like a milk intolerance. So mom points for me. And despite all the pooping (4-8 poopy diapers a day!) Sadie is still gaining like a champ! Also Kelly's blood work came back- she's fine! We're going to try cutting back on milk with her and hope it clears up.
  We met with the developmental specialist again, and Kelly was finally able to be assessed. Assessment? She's functioning at a level that is 6 months to a year above her age. As far as what I can do? Nothing really more then be patient, I'm already doing all I can. Eventually the tantrums and envelop pushing will stop.
4. Any milestones reached this last week?
K: Opening doors, and now saying and pointing to teeth.
S: Smiles, curiosity in people.

5. How are you feeling about having 2 at this point?
  I'm still the luckiest, most frazzled woman alive.

6. Any Mommy Epiphanies?
   I think I may need to keep a candy stash in the bathroom. While I'm hiding in there less often, it still happens at least once a week. It'd be nice not to have to stop by the pantry as I sprint towards my time out corner. Epiphany: It is okay to take 10 minutes and a strawberry shortcake snack to collect yourself if need be!

2 Under 2 Tips- Newborn Photos

Recently was S's newborn portraits, and our mini family portrait shoot. We went to the same place I had K's done (and her's were kind of spur of the moment), and I wore the same outfit, insisted on several of the same poses... we even had the same girl taking them. Yeah it was a bit neurotic like only your favorite Mama could pull off.

The entire process reminded me of when K had her photos done, and how unprepared I felt. This time was similar, but luckily I'm in the "Well, whatever" stage of parenting these girls... more on that later. Anyways, night before I had searched for tips on what to pack and bring and such, with no success. Obviously there is a hole in the World Wide Web, one which I'm about to attempt to fill. So with out any further long winded ado...

Mama's Tips for 2 Under 2 Photography

(alright it's still long winded, sorry)

• Keep it Simple Stupid- With K's newborn photos I brought 5 outfits. She only wore two, and we only bought prints of one. Now with a single child, feel free to go crazy. But when your dressing two squirmers please heed my advice, and keep it simple. This time K wore 1 outfit the whole time. S wore a simple onesie up until photo time, at which point I changed her into her sleeper, later I took off the sleeper and we had a few in the onesie with some pants, and finally a few simple diaper shots. Nothing is cuter then a naked baby, except a giggling naked baby.
• Bring Back Ups Though!- K was an easy child, S on the other hand.... Well lets just say Spit Up happens (and so does shit). I know I just said Keep it Simple, but for the littlest in your brood bring a back up. I also had a back up shirt for myself- With K I spilled soda down my front before we even got to the studio, luckily then I had a back up shirt too, but it wasn't my first choice. This time I wore my second choice up until photo time, then did a quick change. This rule also goes for things like blankets, because again spit up happens.
• Distractions & Edibles- For K food is a distraction. I made sure to bring relatively mess free snacks (wheat thins and raisins) and some water for her. I meant to grab her puzzle book, but as we were running out the door I forgot it. I was frazzled trying to get to an early morning appointment, which brings me to my next point:
• Don't Schedule Early!- AM hours are pretty much ick for anyone I think, especially with a newborn, even more with a newborn and a cranky toddler. I had every intention of waking up early to do my hair- didn't happen. Result being that very few pictures of me are what I deem acceptable. Another down side? K was so cranky by the end she was screaming, because we woke up early for photos and it went on into her nap time. She was exhausted. Luckily I had help.
• Bring another pair of hands- This along with Distractions & Edibles are great for when the toddler doesn't need to be in the picture. Which when trying to shoot a fussy newborn, is a lot. We brought my dad, and K spent about 60% of the time there playing with grandpa, while I tried to keep S content enough not to scream every time the flash went off. 
• Rotate- Dad helped feed S when K was being photographed, and when K lost focus we would switch. When S would start to fuss again, we'd switch back. I think it kept the temper tantrums at bay a lot longer and made both girls a lot more pleasant to work with.
• Arrive Early- Get comfortable with your surroundings, make sure everyone is fed and content and has clean diapers or empty bladders. There is nothing like pee breaks and diaper changes to ruin a groove.
• Stand for what you want- I went in this time knowing exactly what I wanted, and no screaming child, or fussing newborn, or line of customers was deterring me. They're only this small and precious for so long, and I'm probably not going to remember it very well, so I'll be damned if I spent all that time, energy, patience and effort for something I'm just "ehh" about. By the same token, don't go in blind, do some research, don't expect miracles and you won't end up possibly disappointed. 

Sweet Sadie's 1 Month Updat

 

Sweet Sadie May, today you are one whole month old. 30 Days have gone by since we first met, I can't say you were happy to see me, I suppose it was more being torn from your warm, safe and easy environment.... But I was happy to see you. Terrified, but so happy. 

I was so scared that day in the hospital, for what was about to become of our little family. I was worried your sister would resent you, and hate me. But we know now nothing could be further from the truth. In fact when I walked in to your sisters room this morning I was greeted with an indifferent "Hi" until she saw you in my arms, then the squeals of glee began.

I've loved you from the very get go, sweet girl. We've only been a part a handful of times and each time it breaks my heart. I know your safe when you're with your sister though. She has an uncanny ability to soothe you, which makes me think you love her just as much as she loves you. Or maybe you're just curious as to what that strange loud creature is. You are a very curious young lady, and a very expressive one (especially verbally). And so smart and determined. Today you rolled over for the first time! You've been lifting your head since the day you were born, and throwing your body around with such force and determination that I almost feel like I'm keeping you from something. You're going places sweet girl, literally and figuratively. 

But the very best thing you've shared with us thus far is your smile. You're a beautiful child and your smile lights up a room, and my heart. I'm so blessed to have you, as difficult as our time together so far has been. You make our family complete, and I don't know how we ever survived with out you.

Stats:

Weight: 8 lbs 6 oz

Height: 21.5 inches

Diaper Size: 1

Clothing Size: 0-3 Months

Eyes: Still Blue!
Hair: Turning Auburn!

Wordless Wednesday

2'fer Tuesday

2'fer Tuesday Survey


1. Ages? 
Kelly: 19 Months, 1 week
Sadie: 4 Weeks!!!

2. What's went on this last week?
  Well we had a double doctors appointment for the girls- and everyone managed to live through it. Sadie is above birth weight now, she's been gaining 3 times what a normal newborn does daily!! The doctor looked suspicious of the reflux thing, but when I told her how many ounces I have to make per feeding, combined with how much of it Sadie spits up, she started to believe me. Then she had the opportunity to see Sadie eat, and after noting how long it takes her to eat, how much she spits up and how she spits it up, she prescribed my sweet girl Zantac. It's been less than a week, but we're already seeing a remarkable difference.
   Kelly on the other hand... well her part of the visit was even less delightful. We were (finally) following up on her anemia issue that was diagnosed at her 1 year check up. Turns out she's still anemic so she had to have blood drawn. If you think shots are bad, try holding down your screaming toddler for fifteen minutes as someone sticks a needle in their arm. It was horrible, even worse than when they did it at her year check up. But the tech gave her lots of stickers and despite all the torture she still very sweetly, with a tear streaked face, thanked him. Breaks my heart I swear.
  Kelly also had an intake with a developmental specialist. It's really more for my own welfare. Kelly is a little advanced for her age, and I'm struggling to keep her challenged. So Wednesdays for us are now Kelly-focused.
  Finally Sadie had her newborn portraits, during which Kelly and I hopped in for some family portraits as well. I didn't realize how much of a mess my hair was, but I guess it's not the end of the world. It wasn't about me anyways. Some of the pictures were posted yesterday, and more will be through out the week so do enjoy!

3. What are the challenges we dealt with (or continue to deal with)?
  Mama has to go to physical therapy 3 times a week now for her back. Which means the girls go to the sitters three times a week! Good lord!

4. Any milestones reached this last week?
K: New words: No, Cookie, Maybe. She's also now stringing together sentences! Scaring the crap outta me I'm tellin' ya!
S: A lot more alert, making some non-screaming noises now.

5. How are you feeling about having 2 at this point?
  Good, tired but good.

6. Any Mommy Epiphanies?
  Nah I got nothin this week!