Fit Friday

Like I said on Monday, I'm going to start making a weekly commitment to talk about getting healthy. Honestly, I can't quite tell you what this is going to look like. Some weeks it could be a recipe, some weeks it could be an inspiring image. Some weeks it could just be a disappointing report about how I ate big macs for dinner every night that week. I don't know! I'm full of surprises!

Today, I'm just going to go over some history. Warning: Some of the following are flat out excuses I have, and even continue to use to avoid accountability in my health and lifestyle choices.

Lets start around the fact that I struggle with food to begin with. I'm not going to say "eating disorder" because first off I think that's become a catch all phrase for anyone with unhealthy eating habits, and secondly because I'm not currently struggling with it. However I do think that anyone with either an eating disorder or a long history of unhealthy eating habits knows how easy it is to slump back into it with out even realizing.

Anyways suffice it to say I used to control my weight by controlling my eating. Or rather, not eating. When I did eat it was crap, because I was so picky, and on top of all that nonsense I have some food allergies that make gaining weight rather difficult. So "healhty" has never really been a Mama type thing.

Early in my pregnancy with S I made two very important decisions regarding not only my health, but the health of my family. I quit smoking, and I started eating differently. Since quitting smoking I obviously feel better, can do more, and save a lot of money. The pros are undeniable even before you quit. Changing what I ate though, that was scary.

I started small, I started shopping pretty much solely at a local grocery story that offers plenty of preservative-free groceries. The store brand products are all actually preservative, artificial flavoring and artificial food coloring free. Instantly I felt a difference- partly because I happen to have an allergy to a common preservative, so water weight dropped off, migraines almost disappeared, and my energy was significantly boosted. Plus there was all the added perks of just knowing I was eating better, the pride of knowing I was doing something better for myself and my family.

One good decision paves the road for more. I became more conscious of what I had been doing to my body through what I was ingesting, so I started to change. I started looking into alternative solutions for issues I'd usually medicate through, like anxiety (chamomile) and allergies (raw honey) and anemia (iron rich foods). I started going to our local farmers market, where I bought more seasonal and local fruits and veggies. I cut out a lot of processed foods, and packaged meals. I started experimenting with making our own food from start to finish.

Now I'm not saying this is how everyone should live, and if you don't you're destined to be miserable or live a less worth while, whole life. Today I still participate in a lot of less than stellar eating habits. But I'm moving in the right direction, even though I drink a soda a day still, I drink a lot more water. And even though it comes in a can, I'm supplementing my diet with more protein.

The very best thing about these choices is I get to share them with my children. There are few things I love more than strolling the farmers market with K as all the vendors give her samples. It's not just the local, clean food either. It's the fact that I am able to walk with her without getting exhausted or taking a smoke break, or feeling winded or drained by the time we get home again. I have the energy to back my enthusiasm for life again!

So there's the background information. Now here's the rough plan. I'm breast feeding right now, and leading a pretty active lifestyle with the girls, so I've set my Myfitnesspal plan to 1900 calories a day. In about 5 more weeks I have my post partum check up where I should be cleared for more strenuous exercising than our average walks. Basic plan is to eat well until that check up, and walk 3 times a week, no big deal. As the clearance date gets closer our home will hopefully be closer to a regular schedule again, and I'll be able to plan (and have time to complete) better toning workouts as well, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it :)

Linking up with Erica @ Mi Todo where she does a weekly installments of her own Fit Fridays, which kept me enthused my whole pregnancy about getting back into shape.

2'fer Tuesday

2'fer Tuesday Survey


1. Ages? 
K: 18 Months, 3 Weeks
S: 1 Week

2. What's went on this last week?
  Well we had a baby, brought her home, and began adjusting our little lives to make room for this new little person!


3. What are the challenges we dealt with (or continue to deal with)?
  K loves her "issy" and adores having her around. No struggle there. S is to tiny to know what a struggle is... her biggest issue is being jaundiced, and not waking up early enough to still maintain the patience to latch when she's hungry. So despite finally having a child who can latch, I am still spending time at the pump. I'm hoping in the next week her jaundice will clear up and she'll be able to go back to the source, because I can't physically or mentally afford to continue pumping. If at this time next week she isn't a boob girl again, we're goin' to formula with no shame about it.
  So mostly Mama seems to be the only one struggling. I was not prepared to jump in to raising two under two so quickly. Some how I had envisioned a bit more of an easing in process. But thus far everyone has managed to stay mostly clean, and mostly fed, and mostly well rested. I'm even starting to be able to get some chores done again. Though I'm sure once I get my feet under me some thing will change or someone will go through a growth spurt and things will change, requiring us (well me) to adjust again!


4. Any milestones reached this last week?
K: New words are Belly Button and Meow, and a few names too. She's also now saying words in a more conversational way, rather than as a question or echo.
S: Latched! And starting to spend more time alert.

5. How are you feeling about having 2 at this point?
  I haven't really had time to assess my feelings.
  I love S, but I already miss all the quality time K and I used to have. Tonight we managed to have bath time and actually read a bed time story while S was snoozing, so I know thing are just going to get better as we all adapt, and I'll be able to get more of that quality time back.

6. Any Mommy Epiphanies?
   Time changes everything! And if I use it wisely, than I really can be super mom.

The Breast Choice?

In the back of my mind I've been tossing an idea around for a few weeks now. Breast feeding vs. Formula feeding. I didn't feel comfortable even acknowledging planned formula feeding as a possibility until Erica from Mi Todo was featured on another blog discussing her personal decision.

Erica is a woman I can respect, perhaps even more fully now, because of her drive. She knows what she wants and strives for it. She honestly works for what she wants. I know so many people these days who if they can't do it, they won't try, and will even most likely belittle whatever the subject is to validate their own feelings. Weak.

When I first saw that Erica was formula feeding I felt like I could relate- with Miss K I was unable to breastfeed, despite numerous Lactation Specialists and consultations and gadgets, anatomically K and I weren't matching up. Later I read that she was formula feeding by choice. My first thoughts of course were of the generic judgemental "Breast is best" variety.

Secretly that was envy. Because today society tells mothers that you're not doing the best by your child if you don't breast feed.  That you don't love your child because you're not providing the best nourishment.

I pumped with K, for 6 months. I suffered from sleep deprivation and hormone induced migraines, I forgot to eat, I didn't leave the house or have any human contact, I coveted breast milk, I resented my child. All because breast was best. And after all that work I was still being looked down on, and still receiving snide remarks because I CHOSE to pump rather then suffer more emotional damage (I had severe post partum depression) by consistently struggling for a latch and being rejected by a newborn. I was looked down on because I wasn't giving my child the physical contact that was so important according to "Their" standards.

So I co-slept and ended up loosing my bed, my haven, for the next year in order to make up for it. I made so many sacrifices because of the "Breast is Best" campaign. Please don't misunderstand I would gladly make all those sacrifices again, and more, a million times over for my precious girl. But the hours I spent away from her in the ER with horrible crippling migraines, the time I spent angry, hiding and resentful of her, the times I cried and hated myself... those times could have been better spent cherishing and loving my little newborn.

Now that Miss S's arrival is nearing I'm starting to wonder if I can do all that anger and hate and resentful sacrifice again, with a toddler on top of it. In my mind it boils down to "Breast is Best" vs. Love. Is breast feeding really worth being an angry resentful parent? I rather give my girls all my love and devotion and formula feed than risk emotional damage to them or myself. I rather not miss out on cherishing what little time we have together in these younger years. Breast may be best, but is it best for our family, and for me? I'm not so sure.

If that makes me a bad parent, so be it.

I plan on attempting to breast feed with S, and if she can't latch then I plan on formula feeding. And that is okay. Either way, I look forward to the peace of mind of knowing my child is fed, rather then worrying if I can feed her "naturally." I look forward to loving her, cherishing her, and sharing her and her joy with her sister. I don't have to live in fear of breast feeding, I don't have to live in dread, because I know no matter what happens, I have the experience and knowledge to parent my girls fully with love. And I sincerely believe that that is what's best.