2'fer Tuesday

2'fer Tuesday Survey


1. Ages? 
Kelly: 19 Months, 2 Weeks
Sadie: 1 Month, 1 Week

2. What's went on this last week?
  We had 3 play dates for the girls. A McDonald's rendevous where Kelly (and then Mama) discovered they could get into the play deathtrap jungle gym thing. Then there was a farmers market/bouncy house/petting zoo afternoon, which Kelly adored and Sadie slept through. And finally there was a medieval reenactment at our library, that Kelly's grandpa was participating in. When he was "slain" on the battle field Kelly was distraught, and tried to run on to the field yelling "GAMPA JOE!!" It was ridiculously cute, and dangerous, just her style.
  On the development front Kelly has learned how to open doors, while Sadie is giving out real smiles now. Between the two of them I have a very happy, frazzled heart.
  We did have a quick ER visit this week, Sadie was inconsolable for two hours straight. Diagnosis: Gas. Lord have mercy!

 3. What are the challenges we dealt with (or continue to deal with)?
  Another double doctors appointment! Although this one was not so well planned. The girls were unknowingly (on my part) exposed to chicken pox. So there was a mad dash to the doctor to make sure neither of my sweet babies were at risk. Kelly's been vaccinated, and Sadie should still have my immunity. Cross your fingers folks, because if my sweet girls get sick because of another person's irresponsibility... Well, unless my cell has internet access this blog may take a dive for the next 25 to life.
  We did discover Sweet Sadie has a milk intolerance though. I've suspected it from the get go, and when the Zantac stopped working last Wednesday (puking up full bottles) I switched her to soy with out even bothering with a doctor's visit. Since then spit up has decreased, she's pooping again, fussing less, her bleeding diaper rash has cleared, the wheezing has stopped... When I mentioned all this to the doctor at our surprise visit yesterday she agreed, certainly sounds like a milk intolerance. So mom points for me. And despite all the pooping (4-8 poopy diapers a day!) Sadie is still gaining like a champ! Also Kelly's blood work came back- she's fine! We're going to try cutting back on milk with her and hope it clears up.
  We met with the developmental specialist again, and Kelly was finally able to be assessed. Assessment? She's functioning at a level that is 6 months to a year above her age. As far as what I can do? Nothing really more then be patient, I'm already doing all I can. Eventually the tantrums and envelop pushing will stop.
4. Any milestones reached this last week?
K: Opening doors, and now saying and pointing to teeth.
S: Smiles, curiosity in people.

5. How are you feeling about having 2 at this point?
  I'm still the luckiest, most frazzled woman alive.

6. Any Mommy Epiphanies?
   I think I may need to keep a candy stash in the bathroom. While I'm hiding in there less often, it still happens at least once a week. It'd be nice not to have to stop by the pantry as I sprint towards my time out corner. Epiphany: It is okay to take 10 minutes and a strawberry shortcake snack to collect yourself if need be!

Sweet Sadie's 1 Month Updat

 

Sweet Sadie May, today you are one whole month old. 30 Days have gone by since we first met, I can't say you were happy to see me, I suppose it was more being torn from your warm, safe and easy environment.... But I was happy to see you. Terrified, but so happy. 

I was so scared that day in the hospital, for what was about to become of our little family. I was worried your sister would resent you, and hate me. But we know now nothing could be further from the truth. In fact when I walked in to your sisters room this morning I was greeted with an indifferent "Hi" until she saw you in my arms, then the squeals of glee began.

I've loved you from the very get go, sweet girl. We've only been a part a handful of times and each time it breaks my heart. I know your safe when you're with your sister though. She has an uncanny ability to soothe you, which makes me think you love her just as much as she loves you. Or maybe you're just curious as to what that strange loud creature is. You are a very curious young lady, and a very expressive one (especially verbally). And so smart and determined. Today you rolled over for the first time! You've been lifting your head since the day you were born, and throwing your body around with such force and determination that I almost feel like I'm keeping you from something. You're going places sweet girl, literally and figuratively. 

But the very best thing you've shared with us thus far is your smile. You're a beautiful child and your smile lights up a room, and my heart. I'm so blessed to have you, as difficult as our time together so far has been. You make our family complete, and I don't know how we ever survived with out you.

Stats:

Weight: 8 lbs 6 oz

Height: 21.5 inches

Diaper Size: 1

Clothing Size: 0-3 Months

Eyes: Still Blue!
Hair: Turning Auburn!

2'fer Tuesday

2'fer Tuesday Survey


1. Ages? 
Kelly: 19 Months, 1 week
Sadie: 4 Weeks!!!

2. What's went on this last week?
  Well we had a double doctors appointment for the girls- and everyone managed to live through it. Sadie is above birth weight now, she's been gaining 3 times what a normal newborn does daily!! The doctor looked suspicious of the reflux thing, but when I told her how many ounces I have to make per feeding, combined with how much of it Sadie spits up, she started to believe me. Then she had the opportunity to see Sadie eat, and after noting how long it takes her to eat, how much she spits up and how she spits it up, she prescribed my sweet girl Zantac. It's been less than a week, but we're already seeing a remarkable difference.
   Kelly on the other hand... well her part of the visit was even less delightful. We were (finally) following up on her anemia issue that was diagnosed at her 1 year check up. Turns out she's still anemic so she had to have blood drawn. If you think shots are bad, try holding down your screaming toddler for fifteen minutes as someone sticks a needle in their arm. It was horrible, even worse than when they did it at her year check up. But the tech gave her lots of stickers and despite all the torture she still very sweetly, with a tear streaked face, thanked him. Breaks my heart I swear.
  Kelly also had an intake with a developmental specialist. It's really more for my own welfare. Kelly is a little advanced for her age, and I'm struggling to keep her challenged. So Wednesdays for us are now Kelly-focused.
  Finally Sadie had her newborn portraits, during which Kelly and I hopped in for some family portraits as well. I didn't realize how much of a mess my hair was, but I guess it's not the end of the world. It wasn't about me anyways. Some of the pictures were posted yesterday, and more will be through out the week so do enjoy!

3. What are the challenges we dealt with (or continue to deal with)?
  Mama has to go to physical therapy 3 times a week now for her back. Which means the girls go to the sitters three times a week! Good lord!

4. Any milestones reached this last week?
K: New words: No, Cookie, Maybe. She's also now stringing together sentences! Scaring the crap outta me I'm tellin' ya!
S: A lot more alert, making some non-screaming noises now.

5. How are you feeling about having 2 at this point?
  Good, tired but good.

6. Any Mommy Epiphanies?
  Nah I got nothin this week!

A Formal Introduction

Now that S is here, and we've gotten into some what of a swing of things, I'd like to finally and officially introduce you all to our complete little family. All anonymity aside.

Meet Sam aka Mama
  I'm Sam, but mostly I go by Mama. I'm legally disabled. I'm young. I'm a single stay-at-home-mom. I'm a gemini. I used to have a substance problem, but I've worked past that. I love food. I hate to cook. I went to an art school, but my passions lay elsewhere. I have a short attention span. I love to read. I love to explore. I love heat. I love family, comfort and safety. I love expending energy. I love new and dangerous. Mostly I love.

Meet Kelly aka K1 (or K)
  Kelly's my oldest daughter. She's... beyond words, but I'll try. She's loving, so loving. She loves like the love she's been shown, which is a lot. We have some beautiful people in our lives, and they've shown Kelly how to be pretty amazing too. Kelly loves to dance, and to talk, she'll chatter away for hours. She loves books too, at least twice a day we have to put all her books back on the shelf- in both her room and the play area. Kelly is helpful, she takes pride in it, and I do too. And she is so smart, probably because she's so curious. She hasn't discovered the word why yet, but that isn't stopping her from asking questions. She points and her little voice will lift at the end of "mama?" she'll turn her big blue eyes on me waiting for information. She's also coy, secretive and a little bit of a rebel- she hears the word no often, and there's hardly a day where I'm chasing after her yelling her name in a panic, she wants to go and she wants to know.

Meet Kassidy aka K2 (or S) 

  Kassidy, who we mostly call Sadie, is my youngest child. We haven't gotten to know each other very well yet honestly, but I have to say she has the sweetest smile. She reminds me a lot of her sister, and when Kelly isn't around I sometimes forget that Sadie isn't her! I'm sure the sleep deprivation helps with that confusion.
   She seems like she has a great capacity to be as sweet and curious (and devilish) as her sister, time will tell. Until then I'm reveling in her quickly fading newness.


And there you have our little family :) I've been pretty cautious for a while about our names, but really it's taxing to go back and edit every single blog post, not to mention confusing as hell. The anonymity was a preventative measure for something I now realize isn't even a possibility. So now we have a bit of breathing room and a bit of room to be honest in. Gotta say, I'm enjoying it. Nice to meet you! And nice to be met!!

A Day in the Life of Mama

I thought I'd give some insight as to what a typical day at the K household looks like, now that we've fallen into some sort of routine.

7am- Wake to crying. Feed S 2 oz, burp, repeat as necessary until she's sedated.
8 or 8:30am- Put S in bouncer, pound a protein shake, shower and get dressed.
9am- We all go into K's room for diaper changes, S has some tummy time while K and I clean her room up.
9:20am- K goes in the high chair with some raisins while I make the rest of her breakfast and S's next bottle. K eats her breakfast while S eats her bottle.
9:40am- Let K out of high chair, wipe hands and face, and clean up breakfast mess. K begins free play until S goes to sleep. I finish feeding S and put her in the swing.
10 or 10:30am- K and I read some books, have a tickle fight, throw around the balls from the ball pit. I clean as we go, K destroys as we go.
11:30am- Lunch Time. K goes in the high chair with some wheat crackers while I get lunch for everyone ready. K eats while I feed S and eat too.
Noon- Nap time! K gets her hands and face wiped off, and tucked in for a nap. S goes down for a bit too in the swing or her crib. I'll typically check my mail, facebook and blogs. I restrain from cleaning up the toy war zone that is my living room, because I'll only have to do it again later. Might try to nap, but every time I've tried one of them has woken up.
2pm- K wakes up, S usually has or is about to as well. K gets in the high chair for a snack while S gets fed.
2:30pm- We usually spend this time running errands or at appointments or play dates. Typically we're back home by...
4 or 4:30pm- At which point K has some quiet independent play in her room, and I start on dinner and do dishes.
5pm- Dinner time, K goes in the high chair while I feed S, and myself.
5:30pm- Time for a walk, possibly go over to a friends house for some coffee and chit chat, or just come home and play some more.
7pm- Start the bedtime routines. Brush our teeth, Bath time for K, tuck her in with a bed time story and a kiss. Then make S a bottle to have ready for after her bath. Once S is calmed I usually let her lay on her play mat while I change out of my (by now) soaked clothing and do my own bedtime routine.
9pm- Last feeding for S before lights out! Good night!

Like I said, this is just our rough schedule and every day S spends more and more time awake and less time asleep so it's probably going to be evolving soon. "Evolving" isn't that a fun term for it? Such a creative way of saying my shits gonna be all f*cked up again.

Any other 2under2 mamas? How are you ladies handling the days?

Wordless Wednesday

Just seconds before they were in an incredibly cute pose.
Soon as the shutter started to snap they started struggling.

.linking up.

the paper mama
project alicia
live and love out loud
dagmars momsense

 

2'fer Tuesday

2'fer Tuesday Survey


1. Ages? 
K: 18 Months, 4 Weeks
S: 2 Weeks

2. What's went on this last week?
  For starters we had several appointments including one that required me to be away from both the girls for the first time since... well, since I became pregnant! Scariest two hours of my life. I had a chiropractor appointment, then was able to wander on my own for an hour.  I thought about enjoying myself, then felt so guilty I ended up spending money I really couldn't afford to spend on buying the girls gifts. Don't worry, I already put them aside for Christmas.
  We also had our first double play date, which was actually an excuse to round up all the kids and dump them on my friend's teenage cousin and sister while my girlfriend colored and cut my hair.
  Then there was 4th of July, we went to a friend's bbq/birthday party and I was going to just be done there- but I didn't want to deprive K of an experience just because of S being so little. So we went and saw the fireworks anyways. I kept S in the sling, well insulated with my hands over her ears for the whole 30 minute show. She was startled at first, but didn't mind much after the first minute or two. K was enthralled for about the same amount of time, then wanted to run out on the field with her light up wand that her uncle had bought her. We managed to keep her seated and entertained through the rest of the show though- then booked it home!
  Finally this week was the first week that farmers market transitioned into "Olde Town Market," where regular vendors and bands all join in the fun to sell their goods as well. I took the girls for a quick stroll through, K had her first corn dog, S had a good nap, and I swallowed a hot dog whole while maneuvering a sit'n'stand one handed through a pack crowd. All in all a very successful trip!


3. What are the challenges we dealt with (or continue to deal with)?
  S began to refuse the boob Tuesday afternoon. We're officially a formula family, and I'm honestly somewhat relieved. Emotionally I couldn't afford the struggle of latching, or rather being rejected, and time-wise our little family just can't afford for me to pump, plus my supply started to drop despite the fenugreek. I'm a little disappointed, but I keep reminding myself formula is not child abuse, she will be just fine, and I did what was best for the whole family.
  Good news about the formula is it's helping S pack on weight and shake the jaundice a bit quicker. She had blood work done last that was a bit concerning, but when we went in Thursday her color was fantastic and she had gained a bit (although not a good amount, it was still in the comfortable range). As long as this keeps up she may be able to avoid admission to the hospital for free tanning :)
  Overall I'm doing a lot better too. I'm getting a little more sleep, and getting a little more done through out the day. I feel like even though the plane may still be spiraling out of control,  I'm able to keep everyone calm. I have made a couple of important appointments though, one concerning postpartum depression- something I've suffered through in the past, and one for addressing my back pain which has actually gotten worse since delivery. Hopefully both can quickly and easily be addressed. The PPD is a temporary thing in my experience, and only lasts about 4 months for me, but if it isn't addressed it can get pretty serious, something I'm not willing to risk. The back issue however, is concerning. At times it's hard for me to even lift S, and the chiropractor so far has served as only an extremely temporary relief.

4. Any milestones reached this last week?
K: New word is purple. And I've noticed she wears a lot of it! "Held" sissy for the first time this week too. Didn't get any good pictures of that though :(
S: Super alert at times, waking up more often, almost jaundice free. We also had our first scream free diaper change! And we're starting to fit comfortably (as opposed to swimming) in 0-3 month sizes.

5. How are you feeling about having 2 at this point?
  Blessed. I'm supposed to feel blessed right? Kidding, I really am grateful, my life feels almost complete. I feel like this was the next right thing, and I'm positively soaring with joy at how fantastic (although intimidating and overwhelming) life is. S is getting into a rough schedule, which means I'm getting more quality time with K as well.

6. Any Mommy Epiphanies?
   Caffeine good.

Wordless Wednesday

S is turning out to be quite the expressive young lady. I'm ashamed to find that I have no new pictures of K this week. If I snap one today I'll sneak back and update. Until then I'm chalking it up to new baby bliss, not photographic neglect. That's fair right?


.linking up.

the paper mama
project alicia
live and love out loud
dagmars momsense

 

2'fer Tuesday

2'fer Tuesday Survey


1. Ages? 
K: 18 Months, 3 Weeks
S: 1 Week

2. What's went on this last week?
  Well we had a baby, brought her home, and began adjusting our little lives to make room for this new little person!


3. What are the challenges we dealt with (or continue to deal with)?
  K loves her "issy" and adores having her around. No struggle there. S is to tiny to know what a struggle is... her biggest issue is being jaundiced, and not waking up early enough to still maintain the patience to latch when she's hungry. So despite finally having a child who can latch, I am still spending time at the pump. I'm hoping in the next week her jaundice will clear up and she'll be able to go back to the source, because I can't physically or mentally afford to continue pumping. If at this time next week she isn't a boob girl again, we're goin' to formula with no shame about it.
  So mostly Mama seems to be the only one struggling. I was not prepared to jump in to raising two under two so quickly. Some how I had envisioned a bit more of an easing in process. But thus far everyone has managed to stay mostly clean, and mostly fed, and mostly well rested. I'm even starting to be able to get some chores done again. Though I'm sure once I get my feet under me some thing will change or someone will go through a growth spurt and things will change, requiring us (well me) to adjust again!


4. Any milestones reached this last week?
K: New words are Belly Button and Meow, and a few names too. She's also now saying words in a more conversational way, rather than as a question or echo.
S: Latched! And starting to spend more time alert.

5. How are you feeling about having 2 at this point?
  I haven't really had time to assess my feelings.
  I love S, but I already miss all the quality time K and I used to have. Tonight we managed to have bath time and actually read a bed time story while S was snoozing, so I know thing are just going to get better as we all adapt, and I'll be able to get more of that quality time back.

6. Any Mommy Epiphanies?
   Time changes everything! And if I use it wisely, than I really can be super mom.

Still alive!

Yes, I am still alive! And working on a few blog posts, including Miss K2's birth story. Life is just a little... disorganized right now. Not impossible, not insanely overwhelming, just disorganized. Bare with me....

I'm going to start filling out a weekly survey for the girls, I've adapted it from another survey and as our family grows and changes hopefully this will too in order to better present the current states of our lives that are quickly slipping away. It's called 2'fer Tuesday and it starts tomorrow.

Also I'm going to start talking about getting healthy. I know this is a blog about Mama stuff and little girl things, but I believe this falls under "Mama Stuff." I'm not talking about getting skinny, or buff or whatever. And I certainly don't intend to turn this into a diet and exercise blog, or come off like a guru, or start some movement. I'm just talking about feeling better, and not just when I look in the mirror... I'll save the "Feeling Better" speech for that post though.

Basically I plan to have at least 2 regular weekly posts beyond Wordless Wednesday. And I intend on other frequent (but not regular) posts about parenting subjects as well.And maybe not even just parenting stuff, maybe just long rambling "odes to the burp" kind of stuff that I'll label parenting and expect no one to question. Speaking of which, side note: it is adorable how S can't for the life of her drink an entire bottle- no matter how much is in there she always leaves about half an ounce left.

Anyways, this is just a check in to say, well, I'll be checking in more often!! Now I have to go plan Christmas!

Currently

Thinking about: Possums are creepy. And how weird it is for S to only be a day old, but I feel like I've known her forever.

Anticipating: Going home tomorrow morning.

Listening to: History Channel and some sweet soft suckling noises.

Eating: Crunchy Peanut Butter Clif Bar :)

Wishing: I could stuff this joy in a locket and wear it over my heart for ever.

Wordless Wednesday

The Last Bumpdate 38 Weeks, 3 Days

• Size of baby: 8+ lbs.
• Symptoms: Pain. Some contractions. Frightening levels of Amniotic fluid
• Fetal Movement: I can watch my stomach move as she practices her breathing.
• Sleep: Restless,
• Cravings: Burger King
• Best Scariest Moment this Week: Explaining to K what's going to be happening the next couple of days....
• What I Look Forward To: Tomorrow.

This is my last bumpdate ladies and imaginary gentleman (like men read anything, let alone this, pff). I have an induction scheduled for tonight at 8PM PST. I am not going to be having my natural, labor at home, go to the hospital 5 minutes away birth. I will be driving to a much bigger hospital an hour away for my second induction.

Today I had my bi-weekly NST, my weekly AFI and my weekly check in with the doctor. The non-stress test went great! S was back to her active ways. AFI (where they measure amniotic fluid) was not okay. My numbers are up even further, to the 30 range. So the doctor scheduled me for an induction tonight. Yeah. Totally not freaking out or anything- don't worry.

That's total BS. I'm flipping my lid every five seconds. I do not want another induction. I do not like risking a C-Section, and I am not ready to be a mommy of two.

But I'm not the dealer at this card table, I just play the hand that's dealt. So right now roughly 3 hours before I leave for my induction, I'm about to quadruple check my bags, clean my house and try to remember to breathe. I have a post scheduled for later this week, and will hopefully have a new baby to show off come wordless wednesday (and the time and energy to post it). Please keep my little family and our quickly approaching transition in your prayers!!

Bumpdate: 38 Weeks

• Size of baby: Well above 7lbs, if I had to guess, I'd say 36. Yes. 36 lbs.
• Symptoms: Pain. Some contractions, pain.
• Fetal Movement: She's a monster. I don't know how she has enough room in there for all these acrobatics. I'm literally getting bruises on my belly from her kung-fu alone!*
• Sleep: I sleep like the dead until 3 am every day. Then I wake up to pee, and its a crap shoot on whether or not I'm able to get back to sleep, because I've been randomly going in and out of labor!
• Cravings: Uhm food? Mac and cheese. Chips. Pepsi
• Best Moment this Week: Walking, I've done a lot of walking and despite the harsh pain- I'm really excited that I'm still able to cross such distances in my current ginormous conditions.
• What I Look Forward To: Birth.

*I wrote this the night before I hit 38 weeks (cheating I know!), and Thursday morning things were actually a bit different.

I woke up at 1 AM that morning having horrible contractions- I call them "f***balls" contractions, because that's the only words I'm capable of saying during them. Because of previous fluid issues I now have to go to the office twice a week for Non-Stress Tests, the first of which was scheduled that morning. And because of previous rounds of false labor, I decided that until I had sprung a leak, or couldn't talk, it probably wasn't worth a trip to L&D where they'd do the same thing (NST, cervix check) with a lot less grace. So I held out.

My appointment was at 11 and in those 10 hours I didn't feel S move once, but as soon as I mentioned it she of course woke up. She was lazy by her own standards, but active enough for the staff, the contractions were concerning so they did another cervix check (you all are getting to know me intimately), and I was still dilated at a 1, but now about 75% effaced. I was congratulated on being in early labor and sent on my way. La-de-dah.

Long story short the contractions continued all freaking day. They actually went on until about 5 AM the next morning. But as they didn't get any worse, and my water hadn't broken, I never bothered with a trip to L&D. Then they just stopped. No more. The end. Nothing I had done had any impact on progressing the labor or restarting it. Another false alarm.

My next appointment will be Monday, with another NST, and probably an ultrasound, and maybe even another cervical check. Hooray for free-fingerings and all but seriously- this false labor routine is getting old, and is really wearing me out physically and emotionally where I feel like my ability to care for K is suffering. Wish us luck on vacating my uterus in a timely, comfortable and above all safe fashion!

Wordless Wednesday

Bumpdate: 37 Weeks

Please ignore my messy house and horrible stretchmarks!

• Size of baby: 8 lbs according to the ultrasound, give or take a 1/2 lb.
• Symptoms: Contractions, more stretch marks, full blown non-dilating labor :/
• Fetal Movement: She's typically pretty still, being as smooshed a she is.
• Sleep: If I stop nesting long enough to sleep, then I'm out like a light.
• Cravings: Carbs!
• Best Moment this Week: Ultrasound. Finally getting all the baby clothes washed, sorted and stored appropriately!
• What I Look Forward To: Not being in on-again-off-again labor anymore. Please, I'm so tired!!

This week I had to have another ultrasound because I was measuring small again. S is fine, as both the doc and I expected, actually she's a little big! Also I have excess fluid again, actually really excess this time. But the concern last time was it causing preterm labor, and now that I'm term, that's not a realistic issue! However now it means there's an increased risk of cord prolapse, or S turning breech at the last minute. Everyone seems to agree though that based on S's behavior thus far, it isn't a big concern, she seems pretty content in her head down, super low position. Final concern this week was my blood pressure. With K I was induced because of my blood pressure. Doc says it isn't as much of a concern yet. But we'll be keeping an eye on it.

That being said I've had some boogers recently from down under, and a small show. So really, any day now. I thought today was the day actually, but despite every other factor of labor being in play, my cervix refuses to dilate. I guess it still has 3 weeks to cooperate and clean up it's act though!

Wordless Wednesday

Bumpdate: 36 Weeks

• Size of baby: Almost 6 lbs! Sheesh!
• Symptoms: Sciatica! Horrible Sciatica, but the contractions are pretty much gone. Only other issue is my entire belly is so tender. Oh and new stretchmarks... obviously not happy about that.
• Fetal Movement: Her movement has slowed down and become more deliberate again. I think one of us is going through a growing phase resulting in her not having enough room for theatrics.
• Sleep: I either sleep fantastically, or the sciatic pain keeps me up all night.
• Cravings: Fast food. Spicy things. Oriental.  
• Best Moment this Week: Baby Shower of course :) Receiving the car seat, setting up the crib finally. Sorting and hanging, and sorting and rehanging, and folding and storing, and washing... and washing... and washing all those baby clothes. Not in that order of course. Of course lots of stockpiling type shopping- I shouldn't need to leave my house for a few weeks after S is here for anything more than appointments. And finally getting to this point! Now that I am 36 weeks there is no reason for my local hospital to send me south again, and they won't try to stop labor at this point either.
• What I Look Forward To: Getting this kid OUT. I know that's really insensitive, but what I mean is I look forward to the combined excitement of having a newborn, expanding my family and meeting another person I get to spend the rest of my life with. And the relief of being able to touch my toes. Or even see them. I think I have a hang nail. Really, there's several things below the belt that need to be addressed. 

Wordless Wednesday

The Baby Shower and an Epiphany

One of the many adorable outfits S received.

Saturday was my baby shower. I know it's a bit controversial to some to have a shower for a second child, or when children are so closely spaced, or when they're the same sex, but I'm blessed with some loving friends and family who absolutely insisted on throwing a celebration for K2.

"Every baby deserves a celebration" I was told, and who am I to deny S of her first party? I also have no shame in saying that there are a few things I still needed, but haven't been in the financial position to be able to afford just yet.  And by "needed" I mean really wanted but probably could have lived with out- like extra crib sheets, bumpers for the crib, a bigger diaper bag, etc.

Well I got all that and so much more. So much more. I mean S already has 60+ articles of clothing in just the NB sizes, not including what I still had from K or socks, mittens, shoes or bibs either. She received a bathtub that has a whirlpool feature! And shower spout! On top of all that two of the women got together the money to purchase my car seat. It was ordered today, and should arrive by Thursday at the latest, when I'll be hitting 36 weeks.

The Diaper Bag

36 weeks is also when my local hospital will deliver S if she does decide to come early, which as you might have read in a few previous posts, is kind of a concern of mine. I've basically been told since 20 weeks that I wouldn't make it to 37 weeks. Therefore, being the obsessive control freak I secretly am, I wanted to get this whole rodeo over and done with as soon as possible.

But alas! I also unfortunately, love a few obsessive control freaks, who happen to be my best friends, and also happened to be the ones insisting on throwing the shower. Actually, that's not the unfortunate part, the unfortunate part is that both of them had booked weekends through out almost my entire pregnancy. The only date they both could agree on was 13 days before that unreachable, unattainable 37 weeks.

In retrospect, I can see the way they may have benefited from leaving it until the last minute. Instead of spending the whole time breathing down their necks about insignificant details, I spent most my time obsessing over what should or shouldn't be purchased before the shower with what little money was available, and if I'd be able to afford the things I do or did need should I not receive them.

Of course, I received absolutely everything I needed, and in excess in most cases. I also received every thing I wanted too. Even more, I received things I didn't know I wanted or needed, like my best friend's oldest child's baby blanket.

Our girls, despite being 12 years apart in age are as close as sisters, K adores D, and D adores her right back. In fact, D adores K so much that she called me the other day asking if she could give up a few hours of her summertime freedom every day to come and help out with K, so I can have some time to take care of the house and take care of S with out stressing about a hardly supervised or ignored toddler.

Helping K open her baby shower gift: Dora Microphone & Necklace

And that's exactly the kind of thing that made this baby shower a huge success, and one of the happiest memories of recent times for me. Everyone made it their goal to include K on this, they went out of their way. There was never a point that afternoon where I had to worry if she felt ignored, or left out, or confused and overwhelmed. Every time she wandered by the chair I had been sentenced to she had her new Dora Microphone in hand, and if she wasn't directly in sight all I had to do was scan the laps of the women around me. I'm so worried about how K will handle not being my main focus, I worry that she'll feel less important to all the other people who currently adore her. I am terrified that she might even once for half a second feel forgotten. I'm not worried if I can love another child, or love them both equally, I have no doubt I can. My fear is that I just won't be able to give enough of myself to both of them, and that they won't just resent me for it, but will resent each other as well.

This fear consumes me sometimes, but less recently as I've had a spiritual awakening of sorts. All my life I've had fears, and I've had worries, and I've obsessed over them and tried to control them and run my self ragged trying to make what I think should be come in to existence. 99% of the time those fears never come to life, things I never considered happen, amazing things happen. It's only when I spend all my time worrying and trying to control or fix things that it all goes horribly awry. And then not only am I left with a mess of failed expectations, but I also find myself regretting all the time and energy I spent predetermining the situation. Time and energy I could have spent living in the moment, with the blessings I had currently at that time.

So today I'm putting my fears aside, and rededicating myself to the last few days alone with K. To appreciate every moment as a single solitary gem, not to anxiously anticipate what they'll build up to. The very best way to make these the best days is to simply participate in them, and that is what I intend to do!