Miss K's Birth Story

Before I go over K2's birth story, it is important that I record K1's, and so here it is. 18 months after the fact has my memory bleary, but try to bare with me.

First some background: K was not my first birth. For a number of personal reason I will not go into any information about the older child, just suffice it to say he is well, and making another family very happy. His pregnancy was not an easy one, and resulted in a very premature birth. With that background, and some early bleeding with K, I was put on bed rest at 8 weeks and stayed on bed rest for the entire pregnancy. It was the most difficult and lonely 30 weeks of my life.

Toward the end of my pregnancy my blood pressure had been rising slowly but surely. And for a few weeks it had to be taken multiple times before we could get an acceptable read. But, we always ended up with a good number. At my 38 week appointment however, that wasn't happening. I don't remember the specifics but I do remember my doctor was concerned if I was allowed to continue on to 40 weeks I would have a stroke. So he scheduled my induction.

The morning of December 17th, I woke up, showered, and tried to eat a breakfast bar before packing up in the car and heading south. Both my doctor and I agreed that it was more comforting for me to bypass my local hospital and go to a bigger, more specialized birthing hospital an hour south. At 9 am I was moved into a room, and set up on the monitors and a nurse applied the Prostaglandin Gel. A few hours afterward I was started on a Pitocin drip.

Ask just about any rational person and they will quickly tell you, pitocin induced labor is no walk in the park. My plans of sticking to an unmediated birth flew right out the window, as I learned that Pitocin is not something I would wish on my very worst enemies.

I dilated some, I think no further than a 6, and then just stopped. I was in so much pain, but still stubbornly insisting that I needed no epidural, and only the bare minimum of the pain killer I had so far accepted. Eventually a nurse came in and called it how she saw it. Basically my body was so tense from holding in the pain that I was actually to tense to dilate. If I continued doing what I was doing I would be to worn out for the actual pushing, and would end up with a C-Section. She gave me her best suggestion: Epidural, or volunteer for one now so it doesn't turn into a stressful emergency setting. I thought about it for about a half hour I believe, but around 4 AM I got the epidural.

And I began to dilate soon after that. The nurse was right though, I had worn myself out pretty badly. I had just enough energy when it came time to push, which was around 10 AM. Unfortunately at this point K had decided she was going to stay put. Between every contraction she would scoot back in, and during every contraction I would push her back to the point of almost crowning. At about 2 PM I was delirious, I asked for a break- and fully dilated, in active labor, I fell asleep. After an hour I woke up, and felt charged enough to give it one last shot- because if she wasn't out soon I would be having that emergency C-Section.

I actually was getting her to the crowning point, but she was still playing that game. The doctor explained my options to me. I had torn, so he was going to cut me a little more, and I had the option of forceps or vacuum to pull her out since my body was not able to push her out on its own. We discussed the risks and I chose the vacuum. K was out at 3:32 PM December 18th, 2010. 6lbs 11ozs, 21 1/2 inches and very unhappy with her current state of affairs. But the second she was laid on my chest she looked up at me with those sweet blue eyes, and calmed herself as I said hello.

Then we both promptly fell asleep. For just a minute! Then the nurses took her to be cleaned up and I "birthed" the placenta and then watched my lady parts get repaired in the reflection of my doctor's glasses. Delightful.

The next few hours were really hazy. I finally slept, and so did K. Breast feeding, as I've said previously was a struggle, and so was getting any rest after that first post birth coma- K was kicked out of the nursery twice the first night for disrupting the other babies, but would quiet down the second she was with me. That's where our bed sharing began, in that hospital bed. Before we left the hospital two days later she was supplementing with formula and I had to receive a blood transfusion. Apparently the tear/cut situation was a lot worse than I was told at the time, and I had lost a lot of blood. The transfusion made me swell and I was shocked to find at discharge that my flip flops didn't fit!  And K's newborn sleeper was way to big. But all was perfect none the less, and has more or less remained so ever since.

Currently

Thinking about: Possums are creepy. And how weird it is for S to only be a day old, but I feel like I've known her forever.

Anticipating: Going home tomorrow morning.

Listening to: History Channel and some sweet soft suckling noises.

Eating: Crunchy Peanut Butter Clif Bar :)

Wishing: I could stuff this joy in a locket and wear it over my heart for ever.

Wordless Wednesday

Products I Loved with K

Preparing for S has me wandering down some isles I haven't seen in a few months at the local "Marts" (ehm: Walmart and Target). I've again found myself standing confused over bottles and binkies, bath gear and car seats, bibs and spoons and baby food storage... oh my!

Luckily this time I have some experience under my belt, so debating which breast pads or sterilizing products isn't quite as difficult. Here I've compiled a list of my top 5 favorite things from the first two weeks K was home.  

1) NUK Ultra Thin Breast Pads
   I went through several different trial packs of several different brands and NUK was the ones I preferred. Now granted I leaked through every single brand, because of erratic pumping schedules, hormone fluxes, and just a really great supply, so my stand point isn't on keeping shirts dry- because I simply couldn't.
   My affection for the NUK brand was based on 2 things- sensitivity and price. With the pumping I was so tender, and these were the only pads not to turn into sopping wet messes or feel like sandpaper on my nipples, and the frequency with which I was going through them made me appreciate the price! Right now on Amazon you can get 120 for under 10 bucks, before S&H and they're eligible for Free Super Saver Shipping.

2) Munchkin Steam Guard Sterilizer Bags
   I loved these! I stopped using them when K was around 8 months, mainly because we switched to a sippy cup. But recently we've been having trouble getting her straw cups as clean as I'd like them to be (pregnancy induced OCD), so I faithfully returned to this product.
   My favorite thing about them is the name area. When I first started using them I was living with a friend, and K was not the only infant in the house. And the other infant had a very sensitive stomach and was on special formula. We were able to keep everyone's tummy's and new mom neurotics at peace with these. This time around we're keeping one for each girl at grandpa's house, as well as several at home. They're great for most pumping parts, bottles, sippy and straw cups as well as sanitizing toys too. Best part? 12 of them are less than 7 dollars before S&H on Amazon and eligible for Free Super Saver Shipping. 

3) Nature's Way Fenugreek
   You know for a post about life saving products in K's first week of life, so far I've only listed "behind the scenes" type products- things K never came in direct contact with, and here's yet another: Nature's Way Fenugreek. Now before I go any further let me remind you I am but a simple Stay-At-Home-Mom and while I often play a nurse to K, I am in no way a medical professional. I've been around a few, and actually wore a stethoscope once but that's as far as it goes. If you are having lactation issues I strongly suggest you talk to a Lactation Consultant, or your doctor. Especially before investing and ingesting any supplements.
   That being said, Fenugreek was a life saver for me. As I've touched on in this post, I chose to pump with K, as she couldn't properly latch. Anyone with any knowledge of pumping rather than full on breastfeeding may tell you that your supply suffers dramatically when you pump because the suction isn't quite the same, that's also the reason why breast pumps boast their ability to realistically simulate the suckling of an infant, personally I believe there's a more physical aspect that's required for a good supply which is why I chose to bed share, but that's a different post for a different day. The fact was my supply did suffer, and I tried everything from oatmeal at every meal to hand expressing (hello carpel tunnel!) but nothing had such significant results like Fenugreek did. I was a milking machine! And a fringe benefit? All of my bodily fluids smelled like maple syrup, which was great because as a new mom my showering schedule hadn't quite evened out and maple syrup is more socially acceptable than B.O.
   Right now you can get 180 capsules for less than 6 dollars on Amazon. There's another brand I'm personally not familiar with that has 100 capsules for less than 10 dollars, and is eligible for the Free Super Saver Shipping as well. Personally, I'm fond of the link I gave you above because of the Customer Image that's posted. It makes me giggle in delight at all that liquid gold!

4) Medela Pump & Save Breastmilk Bags
   The first few days after my milk came in are an unclear mash up of hot showers, pumping, and crying (it hurt!). I had been informed that pumping meant more work with less results, and I had also been told that when your milk comes in what you demand from your body those first few days would basically become the average. So when my milk came in I demanded a lot, with every intention of storing as much as possible- and I was very successful I must say, eventually my supply did drop and that's when the Fenugreek really showed it's worth.
   All the breastfeeding accessories I had come in to contact with at the hospital and through several lactation consultants was by the brand Medela, even the hospital grade pump I ended up borrowing from WIC was. Medela was, and still is in my opinion, the "It" pumping brand. I'm still soothed by the whir of their pumps and soft yellow swoops of their branding. Anyways, when it came time to store, I went with what I was told was the best, and properly formatted for my pump: The Medela Pump & Save Breastmilk Bags. I will admit right here and now that I never even bothered with another brand, and so my review is completely biased. But they were what I needed when I needed it which is what any mom- new, or not- really wants. They hooked on easily, never leaked, would stand up or lay flat if I needed them too, and had nifty little measurements and room to write the dates, times, and even a name if so needed, on each bag. I don't know if it's the sense of pride that I correlate to them, or the glossy shine, but seeing a stack of these bad boys still makes my heart smile.
   Right now you can get 50 of them for about 16 bucks on Amazon, and they're eligible for the Free Super Saver Shipping. If you're iffy about the brand, not needing many, or forgot to pick some up before your big D-Day be sure to ask your Lactation Consultant about them! Often they can give you a few for free, just to tide you over!

5) Clif Bar Energy Bars
   Last but not least, although certainly farthest from having anything to do with K, is Clif Bars. I think I lived off these for the first month of Kelly's life, eating a real meal every 2 or 3 days. All I really did that first month was pump, wash pump parts, stockpile milk, change diapers, feed K, wash bottles, occasionally sleep, and spend an irrational amount of time staring into her cute little face... and then I worked in taking pictures as well. Eventually though I realized I was missing out on eating. And since I obviously had no time or energy or desire to wash more dishes, or take the time to tip toe away from my vulnerable newborn I started a very unhealthy crash diet of cereal bars- those things are not substantial!
   Eventually I ended up trying Clif Bars, and to this day I still have one packed in my diaper bag, a whole box at the diaper bag packing station and about half a box in my hospital bag. To put it simply, they are delicious, compact, and energizing. What more could a mommy want? Chocolate? Oh yeah, there's chocolate too.
  Right now on Amazon you can get a large variety pack (all flavors are already Mama approved, in case your wondering) for just under 30 well worth it bucks, and of course this product is also eligible for the Free Super Saver Shipping.


If you can't tell I'm a big fan of not only Amazon, but their Free Super Saver Shipping option. More than anything, I hate finding a good price only to have the savings sacrificed by the shipping and handling.

Obviously there's a few things like bottles and binkies I have a preference to as well, but of course those are the things where the only preference that matters is the baby's right? We'll see how often Miss S and I are in agreement in the next couple months, I have a feeling it'll be rarely, if at all.


Please note: I have not been compensated in any way for this post by any of the companies listed above, nor by Amazon.com. These are my true feelings about some great products!

The Last Bumpdate 38 Weeks, 3 Days

• Size of baby: 8+ lbs.
• Symptoms: Pain. Some contractions. Frightening levels of Amniotic fluid
• Fetal Movement: I can watch my stomach move as she practices her breathing.
• Sleep: Restless,
• Cravings: Burger King
• Best Scariest Moment this Week: Explaining to K what's going to be happening the next couple of days....
• What I Look Forward To: Tomorrow.

This is my last bumpdate ladies and imaginary gentleman (like men read anything, let alone this, pff). I have an induction scheduled for tonight at 8PM PST. I am not going to be having my natural, labor at home, go to the hospital 5 minutes away birth. I will be driving to a much bigger hospital an hour away for my second induction.

Today I had my bi-weekly NST, my weekly AFI and my weekly check in with the doctor. The non-stress test went great! S was back to her active ways. AFI (where they measure amniotic fluid) was not okay. My numbers are up even further, to the 30 range. So the doctor scheduled me for an induction tonight. Yeah. Totally not freaking out or anything- don't worry.

That's total BS. I'm flipping my lid every five seconds. I do not want another induction. I do not like risking a C-Section, and I am not ready to be a mommy of two.

But I'm not the dealer at this card table, I just play the hand that's dealt. So right now roughly 3 hours before I leave for my induction, I'm about to quadruple check my bags, clean my house and try to remember to breathe. I have a post scheduled for later this week, and will hopefully have a new baby to show off come wordless wednesday (and the time and energy to post it). Please keep my little family and our quickly approaching transition in your prayers!!

Our Last Summertime

Pre-K Summertime was careless. Sunburns were welcome, camping trips were spur of the moment and clothing was extremely optional.

K being a December baby, and a difficult one at that, I spent most of my last "Child Free" summer pregnant and laid up on bed rest. No camping, beach, festivals or fairs, which is a real bummer because I missed the memo on not being able to adequately enjoy those things "Post-Baby." It's hard to enjoy the I'm-gonna-die terror of the Zipper at the fair when you know you've yet to write out your will, ya feel me? And loosing your top after a thorough round of tubing isn't quite as acceptable now that you're a mother. Not that I mind that last change... loosing and replacing that many bikini tops was starting to become a full time gig.

Last summer K and I enjoyed a good amount of huge firsts that I failed horribly in documenting. Like her first camping trip (she did fabulous co-sleeping in the tent with me), campfire, boat ride, beach trip, and parade.  We also enjoyed a variety of things that while seaming small were huge in our world... her first BBQ food, first ice cream, her first time on a swing, her first sunburn (oops), and her first weekend away from mommy.

Set for a Summertime Stroll

This summer, our adventuring is more limited due to the fact that I am ridiculously pregnant. We have yet to go to the beach (and probably won't), camping is just not happening, and while we made it to a fair, we did little more then stroll about taking in the sights, swing a little and eating lunchables in the shade. And even that was so wearing that we didn't manage to make it out for the parade the next morning, even though the route was literally 2 blocks from the house.

It's hard to be melancholy at all the experiences we're "missing" though when I step back and look at the bigger picture. This is really not a weather-dictated series of exciting events to enjoy, but the end of one big event that we may not have been able to truly cherish until now- this summer marks the end. The end of our "duo" era. Soon the K girls will come in a pair, and with Mama we'll make 3, and so begin a whole new era, full of seasons of various adventures.

So now instead of scolding myself for missing the 5-float local parade, or being annoyed I'm not cleaning sand out of my gratuitous buns, I'm simply relishing what is possible: our last summer, and our upcoming future. Put on your shades love, it looks bright.

I'm linking up here....

Bumpdate: 38 Weeks

• Size of baby: Well above 7lbs, if I had to guess, I'd say 36. Yes. 36 lbs.
• Symptoms: Pain. Some contractions, pain.
• Fetal Movement: She's a monster. I don't know how she has enough room in there for all these acrobatics. I'm literally getting bruises on my belly from her kung-fu alone!*
• Sleep: I sleep like the dead until 3 am every day. Then I wake up to pee, and its a crap shoot on whether or not I'm able to get back to sleep, because I've been randomly going in and out of labor!
• Cravings: Uhm food? Mac and cheese. Chips. Pepsi
• Best Moment this Week: Walking, I've done a lot of walking and despite the harsh pain- I'm really excited that I'm still able to cross such distances in my current ginormous conditions.
• What I Look Forward To: Birth.

*I wrote this the night before I hit 38 weeks (cheating I know!), and Thursday morning things were actually a bit different.

I woke up at 1 AM that morning having horrible contractions- I call them "f***balls" contractions, because that's the only words I'm capable of saying during them. Because of previous fluid issues I now have to go to the office twice a week for Non-Stress Tests, the first of which was scheduled that morning. And because of previous rounds of false labor, I decided that until I had sprung a leak, or couldn't talk, it probably wasn't worth a trip to L&D where they'd do the same thing (NST, cervix check) with a lot less grace. So I held out.

My appointment was at 11 and in those 10 hours I didn't feel S move once, but as soon as I mentioned it she of course woke up. She was lazy by her own standards, but active enough for the staff, the contractions were concerning so they did another cervix check (you all are getting to know me intimately), and I was still dilated at a 1, but now about 75% effaced. I was congratulated on being in early labor and sent on my way. La-de-dah.

Long story short the contractions continued all freaking day. They actually went on until about 5 AM the next morning. But as they didn't get any worse, and my water hadn't broken, I never bothered with a trip to L&D. Then they just stopped. No more. The end. Nothing I had done had any impact on progressing the labor or restarting it. Another false alarm.

My next appointment will be Monday, with another NST, and probably an ultrasound, and maybe even another cervical check. Hooray for free-fingerings and all but seriously- this false labor routine is getting old, and is really wearing me out physically and emotionally where I feel like my ability to care for K is suffering. Wish us luck on vacating my uterus in a timely, comfortable and above all safe fashion!

Wordless Wednesday

18 Months!

Monthly Survey

Age 
18 Months!

Stats

• Weight: 21 pounds as of 5/8*
• Height: 29 inches as of 5/8*
• Clothes Size: 2T 
• Diaper Size: 5
• Hair Color: Brownish Blond 

Milestones

• Teeth: 6 on top (2 of which are molars), 5 on bottom (1 of which is a molar), still cutting two canines and 1 more bottom molar as well!
• Vocab: I can't even begin to list all of her new words. But the biggest change is her insistence not only on communicating, but that she is communicating. She talks all the time and a lot of it sounds like real conversation! And she responds appropriately as if she is having a real conversation, in fact, she probably is, I'm just a little late to the party as far as understanding exactly what she's trying to say goes. Oh and now she sings! Be still my heart!
• Body Language: Wags finger now, gasps and covers mouth in shock or dismay, lots of new dance moves and running in place is a big deal too! She's also hitting again, but we're working on that. 

Loves
Toys: Books, puzzles, her new ball pit.
Books: She's pretty fond of a new foam dinosaur book, and loves to say "Rawrrr!" Also a big fan of Thomas the Train. Tomboy much?
Songs: The Dora Song, "Mommy made Yummy" song she made up, a few other random tunes she likes to sing, and any kind of classic rock. 
Other: Running on her tip toes. Standing on the furniture. Poking/patting sissy. Petting dogs.

Hates 
Being told no, or asked to say please. Thank you is the new please, didn't you know?

Sleep
12 hours a night, 2-4 hours during the day. She's now pretty sure one nap a day is the way to go.

Things We're Looking Forward to
Becoming a big sissy!

How I Like Motherhood
Likes: Listening to her sing songs, dance, give my belly kisses, "Rawr" or "Baa" about the house, clean up on her own, and give kisses. Oh and when she reaches up to hold my hand, or runs back for me when she notices I'm not keeping up.
Dislikes: Working out this napping business. The temper tantrums.

*We haven't seen the doc this month, but will probably be heading in later this week, as it appears K is sick, again.

Travel Toy Bags

Excuse my "I have children, why do I need a new carpet?" carpet.

Any mother knows the value of having something interesting in her purse. And I'm pretty sure I've spoken to how important I feel it will be to keep K busy when S is here.

In the past I've just used my phone as the go to emergency distraction, but it's lead to countless hours of searching through and under random furniture, more replacements than I could count on one hand, and several hundred "I'm sorry. New phone, again. Who is this?" text messages.

At least it was a clean toilet....

Sunglasses are a similar story. Keys are just to valuable to risk, and often hard to retrieve as you can see to the right (this is also just one example of why I carry Lysol Wipes in my diaper bag). So obviously the best choice would be something child friendly, and still somehow entertaining, like oh, say, TOYS! Go figure, right?

The thing is, especially with little ones, they really don't stay interested in things for long. So you either need to have something really wicked cool like a phone for them to play with, or you need to have a good rotating inventory.

Luckily, I lie to K. She doesn't know that toys come in kids meals, and the majority of her friends either believe the same, or easily accept that every time we go out to eat the restaurant is unfortunately out "girl toys" or "baby toys," which ever applies. So now I have a stock pile of fast food toys, and I've used them in her Christmas stocking, her Easter basket, and even as emergency birthday gifts. No actually, I don't have any shame.

Baggies, toys and books- Oh My!

Point being I have quite a few random little toys. And recently a dear friend gave us over 20 small board books, among other toys that her children have outgrown. K loves books. I've personally witnessed one single cardboard page keep her entertained for up to 20 minutes. The things are full of black magic, obviously. Which of course is why we have so many.


Between the kids meal toys and recent literary donation, I was able to sit down with a box of diaper bag worthy toys the other night, as well as four Ziploc bags. I sorted the books and the toys into groups. Books were shapes, colors, and two piles of random books. Toys were plastic figurines, large entertainment, little entertainments. I also sorted out all the "baby toys" into a separate box. Then I separated the "big girl" stuff into piles of four and started stuffing bags. I ended up with four bags, with four books and three toys in each.

Yes, there is a dead phone in there too. I have a collection of those as well.

The reason I made four bags is for rotation purposes, three will sit on my Diaper Bag Packing Station (which I will be showing you very soon) and one will be in the diaper bag, Every week or so when I find myself having to reload the bag on more than just diapers, I'll switch out the toy bag. The toy bags are also in the same basket as all a few baby toys, so I can grab one or two of those to switch out at the same time for S.

This is the first week I've started implementing this plan, and hopefully it'll work out well. I plan on updating in a month on what is working about the bags and what isn't. Hopefully this will make it easier to stay organized, easier to get up and go, and easier to keep K's travel toys clean as well as obviously keep K as entertained and delighted as she deserves to be!

All finished, ready for the diaper bag packing station!

Quick and Current...

Currently I'm cleaning out my diaper bag. A friend gave K's a ton of board books that her children had outgrown, and a lot of them are tiny. It inspired me to work on the toy bags I had been planning, which I'll try to post about tomorrow. Anyways, that meant I had to gather all of K's "on the go" toys up, perfect time to clean out my diaper bag. And by that I of course mean the only way I could find them all was by cleaning out my diaper bag.

In My Diaper Bag (before cleaning):

• 4 lip balms (3 Burts Bees, 1 that doesn't work)
• 4 random key tags
• 4 binkies
• 4 AA batteries
• 2 balls (yellow one that rattles, blue one that doesn't)
• 2 packets of important paperwork
• 2 pens
• 2 containers of hand sanitizer
• 2 handfuls of trash
• 1 random rattle 
• 1 car 
• 1 Dora Figurine
• 1 Cat Figurine
• 1 toy screwdriver
• 1 pair of K's sunglasses
• My old sunglasses
• My new sunglasses case, sans sunglasses
• 1 Brita water bottle
• 1 wipe case full of Lysol wipes
• 1 empty wipe case 
• 1 diaper
• Wallet
• Spare change, bobby pins and a spare key. 
• My camera
• Mini first aid kit (with alcohol wipes, band-aids, thermometer, pen and paper, back up Tylenol, aspirin, ibuprofen, and antibiotic gel stuffs)
• Make up bag (with main bottle of Tylenol, and other medication)
• Coupon book
• Phone list
• Disposable changing pad
• Tissue pack
• Stroller straps and Shoulder strap for purse. 
• Altoids
• 1/2 a Twix

In My Diaper Bag (after cleaning):

• 3 lip balms
• 4 binkies
• 4 AA batteries
• 1 packet of important paperwork
• 2 pens
• 2 containers of hand sanitizer
• 1 pair of K's sunglasses
• My new sunglasses case, sans sunglasses
• 1 Brita water bottle
• 1 wipe case full of Lysol wipes
• 1 wipe case of regular wipes
• 1 diaper
• Wallet
• Spare change, bobby pins and a spare key. 
• My camera
• Mini first aid kit (with alcohol wipes, band-aids, thermometer, pen and paper, back up Tylenol, aspirin, ibuprofen, and antibiotic gel stuffs)
• Make up bag (with main bottle of Tylenol, and other medication)
• Coupon book
• Phone list
• Disposable changing pad
• Tissue pack
• Stroller straps and Shoulder strap for purse. 
• Toy bag (Ziploc containing 4 books, 3 random toys)
• 2 mini cliff bars

Significant downsizing right? I know what you're thinking, "That's downsized?" Yes, if you have a vagina there is a good chance you'll understand why I still need to carry 3 separate lip balms (color, texture, and back up). 4 binkies are a little excessive I agree, but I rather be safe than sorry. And finally 2 containers of hand sanitizer is simple: I keep the good stuff for myself, and make the randoms use the stinky rubbing alcohol kind.

Of course this isn't including the snacks or drinks for K I usually carry. Or the 3 extra diapers I always stuff in before we run out the door.

And very soon there will be a little bag of back up clothes, another 6 or so diapers, possibly a bottle and formula container, and a infant toy or two. So yeah, this is downsized!

Bumpdate: 37 Weeks

Please ignore my messy house and horrible stretchmarks!

• Size of baby: 8 lbs according to the ultrasound, give or take a 1/2 lb.
• Symptoms: Contractions, more stretch marks, full blown non-dilating labor :/
• Fetal Movement: She's typically pretty still, being as smooshed a she is.
• Sleep: If I stop nesting long enough to sleep, then I'm out like a light.
• Cravings: Carbs!
• Best Moment this Week: Ultrasound. Finally getting all the baby clothes washed, sorted and stored appropriately!
• What I Look Forward To: Not being in on-again-off-again labor anymore. Please, I'm so tired!!

This week I had to have another ultrasound because I was measuring small again. S is fine, as both the doc and I expected, actually she's a little big! Also I have excess fluid again, actually really excess this time. But the concern last time was it causing preterm labor, and now that I'm term, that's not a realistic issue! However now it means there's an increased risk of cord prolapse, or S turning breech at the last minute. Everyone seems to agree though that based on S's behavior thus far, it isn't a big concern, she seems pretty content in her head down, super low position. Final concern this week was my blood pressure. With K I was induced because of my blood pressure. Doc says it isn't as much of a concern yet. But we'll be keeping an eye on it.

That being said I've had some boogers recently from down under, and a small show. So really, any day now. I thought today was the day actually, but despite every other factor of labor being in play, my cervix refuses to dilate. I guess it still has 3 weeks to cooperate and clean up it's act though!

Wordless Wednesday

Currently

Thinking about: Heartburn, Evening Primrose Oil, how exhausting not having a baby can be, and finances.

Anticipating: Very little! 

Listening to: SILENCE! So nice....

Eating: Nothing. May be why I have heartburn, but if I eat something than that's sure to cause more, not willing to risk it. 

Wishing: I wish it was time to have this baby, I'm so very tired of thigh contractions, nausea and worrying.

Bumpdate: 36 Weeks

• Size of baby: Almost 6 lbs! Sheesh!
• Symptoms: Sciatica! Horrible Sciatica, but the contractions are pretty much gone. Only other issue is my entire belly is so tender. Oh and new stretchmarks... obviously not happy about that.
• Fetal Movement: Her movement has slowed down and become more deliberate again. I think one of us is going through a growing phase resulting in her not having enough room for theatrics.
• Sleep: I either sleep fantastically, or the sciatic pain keeps me up all night.
• Cravings: Fast food. Spicy things. Oriental.  
• Best Moment this Week: Baby Shower of course :) Receiving the car seat, setting up the crib finally. Sorting and hanging, and sorting and rehanging, and folding and storing, and washing... and washing... and washing all those baby clothes. Not in that order of course. Of course lots of stockpiling type shopping- I shouldn't need to leave my house for a few weeks after S is here for anything more than appointments. And finally getting to this point! Now that I am 36 weeks there is no reason for my local hospital to send me south again, and they won't try to stop labor at this point either.
• What I Look Forward To: Getting this kid OUT. I know that's really insensitive, but what I mean is I look forward to the combined excitement of having a newborn, expanding my family and meeting another person I get to spend the rest of my life with. And the relief of being able to touch my toes. Or even see them. I think I have a hang nail. Really, there's several things below the belt that need to be addressed. 

Wordless Wednesday

The Baby Shower and an Epiphany

One of the many adorable outfits S received.

Saturday was my baby shower. I know it's a bit controversial to some to have a shower for a second child, or when children are so closely spaced, or when they're the same sex, but I'm blessed with some loving friends and family who absolutely insisted on throwing a celebration for K2.

"Every baby deserves a celebration" I was told, and who am I to deny S of her first party? I also have no shame in saying that there are a few things I still needed, but haven't been in the financial position to be able to afford just yet.  And by "needed" I mean really wanted but probably could have lived with out- like extra crib sheets, bumpers for the crib, a bigger diaper bag, etc.

Well I got all that and so much more. So much more. I mean S already has 60+ articles of clothing in just the NB sizes, not including what I still had from K or socks, mittens, shoes or bibs either. She received a bathtub that has a whirlpool feature! And shower spout! On top of all that two of the women got together the money to purchase my car seat. It was ordered today, and should arrive by Thursday at the latest, when I'll be hitting 36 weeks.

The Diaper Bag

36 weeks is also when my local hospital will deliver S if she does decide to come early, which as you might have read in a few previous posts, is kind of a concern of mine. I've basically been told since 20 weeks that I wouldn't make it to 37 weeks. Therefore, being the obsessive control freak I secretly am, I wanted to get this whole rodeo over and done with as soon as possible.

But alas! I also unfortunately, love a few obsessive control freaks, who happen to be my best friends, and also happened to be the ones insisting on throwing the shower. Actually, that's not the unfortunate part, the unfortunate part is that both of them had booked weekends through out almost my entire pregnancy. The only date they both could agree on was 13 days before that unreachable, unattainable 37 weeks.

In retrospect, I can see the way they may have benefited from leaving it until the last minute. Instead of spending the whole time breathing down their necks about insignificant details, I spent most my time obsessing over what should or shouldn't be purchased before the shower with what little money was available, and if I'd be able to afford the things I do or did need should I not receive them.

Of course, I received absolutely everything I needed, and in excess in most cases. I also received every thing I wanted too. Even more, I received things I didn't know I wanted or needed, like my best friend's oldest child's baby blanket.

Our girls, despite being 12 years apart in age are as close as sisters, K adores D, and D adores her right back. In fact, D adores K so much that she called me the other day asking if she could give up a few hours of her summertime freedom every day to come and help out with K, so I can have some time to take care of the house and take care of S with out stressing about a hardly supervised or ignored toddler.

Helping K open her baby shower gift: Dora Microphone & Necklace

And that's exactly the kind of thing that made this baby shower a huge success, and one of the happiest memories of recent times for me. Everyone made it their goal to include K on this, they went out of their way. There was never a point that afternoon where I had to worry if she felt ignored, or left out, or confused and overwhelmed. Every time she wandered by the chair I had been sentenced to she had her new Dora Microphone in hand, and if she wasn't directly in sight all I had to do was scan the laps of the women around me. I'm so worried about how K will handle not being my main focus, I worry that she'll feel less important to all the other people who currently adore her. I am terrified that she might even once for half a second feel forgotten. I'm not worried if I can love another child, or love them both equally, I have no doubt I can. My fear is that I just won't be able to give enough of myself to both of them, and that they won't just resent me for it, but will resent each other as well.

This fear consumes me sometimes, but less recently as I've had a spiritual awakening of sorts. All my life I've had fears, and I've had worries, and I've obsessed over them and tried to control them and run my self ragged trying to make what I think should be come in to existence. 99% of the time those fears never come to life, things I never considered happen, amazing things happen. It's only when I spend all my time worrying and trying to control or fix things that it all goes horribly awry. And then not only am I left with a mess of failed expectations, but I also find myself regretting all the time and energy I spent predetermining the situation. Time and energy I could have spent living in the moment, with the blessings I had currently at that time.

So today I'm putting my fears aside, and rededicating myself to the last few days alone with K. To appreciate every moment as a single solitary gem, not to anxiously anticipate what they'll build up to. The very best way to make these the best days is to simply participate in them, and that is what I intend to do!

Mama Musings: Labor, Hormones and General Insanity

I have a theory, that every woman, with in 2-3 weeks of giving birth, goes through this stage of certified insanity. And I don't mean scrubbing the baseboards with a toothbrush crazy, or driving everyone to the clinic to get their whooping cough vaccines, or making a tutu crib skirt (ehm). I don't mean crying because you have hairy legs, I mean crying because your poor legs have to put up with being hairy, because they really don't deserve such mistreatment. I mean off the wall, emotional train-wreck crazy.

I don't have to much experience with this theory myself. With K I was induced, so while I may have been in that crazy zone, there is no evidence that it was labor related. But from what I've witnessed of loved one's pregnancies, there's comes a point where you start to question if you should really be trusting this woman with a newborn then BAM the crazy is gone, and a newborn is here to replace it. Or in some cases the crazy is on pause, but this isn't a postpartum post.

My musings are eventually coming to a point and the point is this: Could the insanity be an indicator of nearing labor? Or am I just another desperate woman looking for signs in stars and tea leaves? Have you noticed anything similar?

Isn't this pretty? No idea what it is.

Anyone who knows me may not say I am the most rational person, they probably wouldn't say I'm the most down to earth, or focused, or calm, some would be hard pressed to declare me sane at all, and I don't blame them! But one thing almost everyone would agree on is that I am by all appearances not a high strung, sensitive or even emotional person. I do have feelings, I'm sure you've noticed that, and I'm capable of reveling in them and enjoying them just like everyone else. The problem, if you want to call it that, is I rarely show them. That is until recently....

Recently I've been crying over things like forgetting to put away the bread, or the way I think people are looking at me. I can make jokes about how huge everyone has recently begun insisting I am, then have a good thirty minute cry when changing my sheets is discovered to be impossible on my own. And it's not the simple fact that I'm crying, it's the emotional charge up that leads to the crying. I quickly go to a point of anger or frustration over the littlest things and then something inside snaps- and instead of finding a rational solution, or just simply walking away even, I resort to a huffing, puffing, snotty large lump.

Several people assure me I'm "right where I'm supposed to be." That the way I feel is based on the level of pain I've been in, the amount of sleep I've gotten, the level of stress I'm under, etc. I agree those are perfectly rational reasons, except 2+2+2 does not equal 100. And I am operating at 100% crazy now.

My theory boils down to this: As we all know, all sorts of hormones are constantly pulsing through our bodies, especially during pregnancy. When a woman nears labor extra hormones are released to prepare her pelvis, ligaments, uterus, cervix and so on. Some hormones also have greater impact on our feelings, so could it be that the hormones my cervix is stewing in currently are also the ones that make any rational human being run for the hills?

And if so, why would humans evolve this way? It just doesn't seem to fit with the concept of self preservation. Please, someone shed some light on this for me, because I really do not trust my own thinking currently, and honestly... like any other irrational woman, I don't want hormones to be "the cause," deep down I want you to tell me my feelings are real, and they are justified and it will be okay princess- even though I know that's not true.